Relationship Secrets Series: How to Stay Madly in love with your Spouse Cont...

Hi and welcome back to Lolly's Secrets! This week  I am following up with the second part in this series and talking about relationships and advice on how to stay madly in love with your boyfriend, life partner, lover, best friend, spouse or husband. 

Wait!!If you haven't read the first part of this series, then I suggest you do here and come back to read the rest.

Remember! This relationship love advice is actually applicable if you are a man or woman and also to any important relationship in your life.  so lets continue!

Sincerity Truth and Trust

Growing up my mom always said “when you lie, you steal and when you steal, you kill”. I know!!! Melodramatic much right? But I get it. 

Basically what she meant was that when you open the door to one thing, it reduces your resolve against the next barrier. All of a sudden, that barrier doesn’t seem like such a big deal anymore. 

It won’t take long for you to cross that one too, then another and another and then you find yourself far far away from that very first barrier that seemed so small as just a simple white lie.

This also applies to relationships. If you decide to have a pact to stay truthful no matter how bad it may hurt and stick to it, i can promise you that your load will be lighter. 

You both stay truthful, you build trust and nothing can shake you. It means that no matter what any outsider says about your man or woman, you will not doubt him or her. Nothing will come between you. 

It also means wearing your grown up pants and probably hearing some things you really might not want to. But at least you heard it directly from your loved one.

Broken trust is one of the major issues that break a relationship. It could be money related, extra marital affair related, addiction related, you name it! The crux of the matter is still broken trust. 

If you can decide between yourselves that starting today, you will stay truthful to one another, I promise you that your relationship will take a turn for the better. You may go through some rough patches from clearing up issues brought out from the lies but ultimately, you will be the better for it.

But always remember to assess your timing on dropping your truth bombs! Because they are bombs...no matter what anyone says.. The truth can still hurt.

Find Ways to Show Appreciation

It’s the little things that matter. Sometimes we do so much for those we love and although it is expected, it doesn’t hurt to show appreciation for all the effort and hard work that went into making each other’s lives easier.

The gesture doesn’t have to be extravagant. A simple and sincere “thank you” for going above and beyond what was expected is always appreciated. 

Now, I do like some nice jewellery too! But i'll take my appreciation anyway i can get it. I’m an “Acts of Service” kinda girl. But a thank you is also very powerful for me. You can find out about your love language by checking out the 5 love languages quiz and buying the book. It’s a very good read.

If I help you with your chores, and you say “thank you”, it is noted and appreciated. But if you go further and lets say...go to the post office and get the package i missed during the week? That would be extra brownie points and major injection into my love bank.

Have you given a present to someone before and their reaction was very anticlimactic? Well it is because they didn’t appreciate what went into getting the gift. Expectations and reality did not meet on both sides which resulted in a lackluster reaction. 

When you show appreciation, it is called positive reinforcement. This means that you are celebrating a good thing they did for you. This makes anyone feel encouraged to continuously go above and beyond for you. It becomes a kind circle that feeds into the next thing and the next and the next, etc.

Giving the Benefit of the Doubt

This one is a struggle for me because i’m one of those people that tends to outline all the things i don’t like. 

So when something happens, there really is very little excuse anyone can give. This is because i have given you the blueprint you need to not be a pain in my tush. 

We all have things we do not like and i state them loud and clear. So when something goes wrong, my question is always “how?” what can you possibly say? 

You knew i didn’t like it yet you did it anyway. When someone knowingly does something you don’t like, for me it becomes a case of meeting your needs before mine or taking me for granted.

So this giving the benefit of the doubt is a big one i have had to painstakingly learn. Hear them out. Give them the benefit of the doubt. 

What if something happened that was out of their control which resulted in the situation you are facing? 

I say fulfill all righteousness and give the benefit of the doubt, That way, when you respond, it will not be an overreaction. 

Not everything is as black and white as i see the world most days so I’m trying everyday to open my mind up to the greys in the world.

Patience

I can’t stress how important it is to be patient. If you are not a patient person or you struggle with this, please go and work on yourself. 

Marriage or any long term relationship is all about patience. If you can’t draw from a well of patience, then your relationship will not last. It is truly a virtue.

I am working on this daily. It was one of the things I really struggled with but I worked on myself  and although I am definitely the better for it, I still have a long way to go. It is a virtue that needs topping up every day!

I read somewhere that if you find someone and inject their name in the quote above where love is, and if it matches a minimum of 70%, then you have a solid partner. If it doesn’t match up to 70%, you should reassess the relationship quickly!

This also applies to yourself! Inject your name in the quote and really do some introspection and be sure you are doing all you can to be the best version of yourself daily.

You can’t ask someone to be all these wonderful things and not reciprocate on the same level. We call that unrequited love.

Quote

Accountability

This is huge for me!!! In the past, i dated people who would not take responsibility for their actions. They would always blame it on a friend, or on “traffic” or something. 

If they never took responsibility for their hurtful interactions with you, then how do you expect them to apologise for it? As far as they are concerned, it is not their fault. You should read the 5 apology languages to have a better understanding of this and take the quiz.

It is important that everyone is assigned roles and tasks so that they are fully responsible for the outcome of these situations. 

You also have to report to one another and keep each other up to date to ensure you are aligning expectations and reality.

Pray

Above all things, pray together. Try praying together either in the morning or last thing at night before heading to bed. 

A couple that prays together, stays together. Pray about your challenges as a couple and your individual challenges. Pray for one another. A lot of people do not have a template for praying so i'll give you one.

Firstly, close your eyes and try singing a few worship or gospel songs together. If you don't know any, there are many on Youtube and Spotify.

This helps you centre yourself and get into the serene calm space you need to speak with God. 

Next, you pray. Start your prayer by thanking God for all the things you normally take for granted and the other things that were sudden and unexpected that have happened recently. 

Humbly ask him for forgiveness of any sin you may have committed knowingly or unknowingly, in thought, word or deed. 

Ask him to help you both as a couple and as individuals to be the best versions of yourselves. 

And finally thank God in advance for what he is about to do (answered prayers). If you are not a spiritual person, i suggest meditating with your spouse and having discussions about your relationship.

You can always check out "7 Ways God Transforms a Marriage When Couples Pray Together" by Christina Patterson. She goes more in depth on the prayers if anyone wants to use this as a key tool.

Image Credit: Thinkstock.com

In Conclusion

I still encourage you to read the books by Gary Chapman, “The 5 Love Languages” and "The 5 Languages of Apology". We decided to read his and hers books called “Kingdom Woman” by Chrystal Evans Hurst Tony Evans and “Kingdom Man” by Tony Evans as well. This gave a lot of perspective for doing things the christian way.  I would also recommend that you read “Creative Romance” by Doug Fields as he talks about combating insensitivity and neglect through creative romantic actions.

I hope this post was useful especially if you are actively looking to keep your relationship strong in love, compassion, sensitivity and empathy. 

I wish I had an understanding of these points much earlier than this, but I guess everything happens for a reason and in its own time. 

I'm just happy I now know and have found someone who actively seeks to make me happy and vise versa. I don't manage to apply every single one of these all the time but I try as much as possible and you know they say practice makes perfect!

If you follow me on Instagram, you know the ups and downs I’ve been going through. If you want to know more or connect with with me more, head on over to my Instagram  and Facebook pages. Lord knows you can relate to the different things that I go through. so don't forget to follow me on all social media!

What do you think? have you tried any of these approaches to your relationships? what approach has worked for you in the past? let me know in the comments below.

Watch out for the next part in this series!

Until the next post. Ciao!

Love,