Graduate Life | The First Month

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**NB: I am referring to the first month after completing all of my university work (i.e. from end of May), not the first month since my actual graduation ceremony (which was mid-July).**

My final university assessment was my viva voce exam (basically an oral exam discussing my research with academics). I walked out of that assessment with a huge sigh of relief and a massive grin on my face. Not because I thought it had gone particularly well, but because it was all over. I had done it. I had finally completed my 4-year Msci degree.

Fourth year had been a tough one. The workload had increased and assessments were more spread out through the term (especially in semester 1), rather than it being only exams at the end of the semester. As someone who was used to cramming in the run up to exams instead of working consistently during the term, this was a big smack in the face. Instead of uni stress being confined to 'exam season', it was now a constant pressure. In semester 2, I had my laboratory project to complete which brought with it its own challenges. Namely failing reactions and the fact that nothing ever seemed to go as planned. On top of the constant deadlines and failing project, I had taken on the extra responsibility of being a society president. And to top it all off I was on medication that has a known common side effect of negatively affecting your mental health. Looking back now, it's not surprising I crumbled under the pressure.

After surviving fourth year, I gave myself the time I needed to rest and get back to my old self again, which I had seemed to have lost along the way. I binge watched TV programmes, watched plenty of youtube videos, went shopping with my Mum and had coffee with friends. The only firm plan I had in place was going to London to see Ed Sheeran in mid-June with some friends (which was incredible btw).

The first few weeks were bliss. I was enjoying the freedom of graduate life. But after a while, the novelty of not doing very much wore off. The fact I had no plans began to panic me. I spoke to friends who were doing things, such as travelling or securing grad jobs. I felt unproductive. I told myself I would start planing my future, research graduate schemes and internships. But I never seemed to actually do it. I kept putting it off til 'tomorrow'. Because every time I even thought about the future - the fact I had no plan, the fact that I should have a plan by now - I panicked. So I just tried not to think about it.

But that strategy would only last so long. Eventually I was going to have to think about it. I forced myself to start considering my options. My degree was in Chemistry and Biology, but I specialised in Biology in my fourth year. Previously, I had thought about doing a PhD. However, that was before the hell that was fourth year. The University had marketed fourth year as a being like a 'mini PhD' (obviously easier and way shorter than an actual one) and considering I had hated pretty much every second of it, enrolling onto a PhD would make no sense.

I knew that I wanted to help people in some way through my job and for a few years I had been vaguely interested in pharmaceuticals. In my final year, I had applied to two of the most well-known pharmaceutical graduate programmes but I hadn't got an interview. I decided to research all the pharmaceutical companies out there to see if they ran any graduate programmes or internships I could potentially apply to. I created a spreadsheet listing the companies and the details of any schemes/programmes they offered. Unsurprisingly, I found most of the internships were for undergraduates and applications for all the graduate programmes didn't open until Autumn.

It is worth mentioning at this point that in no way was I totally set on entering the pharmaceutical industry. I was definitely not certain it was what I wanted to do. But it seemed like the most promising idea I had at the time. And it gave me something to research and a starting point to work with. Producing the spreadsheet made me feel productive and like I had got my sh*t together just a little bit.

However, at this stage I pretty much changed my mind daily about what I wanted to do. Some days I would be deadset on entering the world of big pharma, other days I would think maybe doing a PhD was for me after all. On several occasions, I thought perhaps I should just ditch science all together and go into something totally new, like marketing. From time to time I would think up something random like working with animals or conservation work (note: I am totally unqualified for this kind of work even though I did biology - I never did any zoology/plant/environmental stuff, I just did human/molecular/genetics stuff). I had days were I considered just buying a plane ticket to the other side of the world and running away from all adult responsibility.

Yep, things were messy. I was running around totally clueless. I nearly had a breakdown at the bank because I didn't understand what the woman was talking about, the differences between certain ISAs, which one was best for me blah blah blah (what even is an ISA anyway?). These are things you just don't learn about in school (what were 'Life Skills' lessons even for if they didn't teach me a single life skill?). This transition into real adult life was going to be a steep learning curve.

This post attempts to sum up just the first month after finishing uni. I am aware it's a bit all over the place, much like me at the time. I have many more tales to tell. If you want to hear about the next stage of my journey, stay tuned for the next post.
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